I've got 5 years of early retirement under my belt, and I feel like I've had the inverse experience of the OP. The first two years were an incredibly difficult transition period for me.
Losing the status of being a higher up at a successful (small) company was extremely painful, especially because I didn't realize how much of a perk of the job it was. Like many others in this thread, I realized work provided a venue to solve interesting problems with interesting people, and I knew I would miss that (but also knew there were other, non-work ways to scratch that itch). Looking back, though, the ego/status aspect was probably the biggest benefit, and I never admitted that to myself.
Fairly soon into retirement, I made the choice to address the issue by decreasing my ego needs, rather than pursuing another high status non-work position. In some sense, it wasn't too hard to do (though I did find that I had to give up programming for a while, since it turned out that, despite my love of math and puzzle solving, the real biggest draw of programming was the megalomaniacal sense of being a god in a universe of your own creation). The issue is, I went too far, and experienced pretty significant depersonalization, which, from the inside wasn't terrible, but I think made me too weird to interact with my family and friends.
I've currently accepted more ego back into my life (hence this self-centered posting, for instance), but kept it below the old levels. I'm happy with my life, and find it much more even keeled and comfortable than when I was working, though I still miss the emotional highs of succeeding in a big work project.
Anyway, I think what really got me to log on here and post this was seeing the various other posters claiming work as a source of meaning and maybe poo pooing the OP, a bit, for giving it up. Now, on the one hand, I'm not really disagreeing, but I just wanted to add the nuance that, for me, turns out most of that meaning was not coming from nice pro-social things like cooperating with a team and working on interesting problems, but mostly just base status drive and ego. Now, I don't know how much my experience applies to the general population and most jobs, but I have a feeling it probably does apply to a fair chunk of the readers of this forum.
Ah, I feel this. Kind of funny (funny ha ha or funny ouch?) but on my last two projects, I was definitely riding a high of sorts. New languages/frameworks but before long, I had figured out the lay of the land and some of the quirks of these languages and felt like I was really productive, and able to help teammates with questions.
In both cases, 6-12 month long projects ended with basically being thrown in the bin. So, yeah, you can imagine any sense of purpose I may have assigned myself by being involved in these projects was an illusion. Nope - I just enjoyed getting good at something!
Then I spent six months unemployed, and spent some of that doing hobbies I enjoyed... even getting half decent at some things I've tried before. But by the end of the period, given the constraints of the pandemic, I was missing that feeling of doing something on work days that felt like accomplishment. I definitely think for anyone retiring, early or otherwise, you will have to spend a period of decompression and adjustment, either learning to accept consumption over creation, or finding new ways to create. You'll need to find a new balance, and you'll have a lot more time to do it.
The number of status updates I see from former work colleagues who, pretty transparently, just want to Let You Know they are Still Really Important is astonishing -- especially ones close to normal retirement age. My reaction is something akin to (e.g) "what have you done wrong that you're over 60 and are still climbing the greasy pole?"
But it takes effort to check out of the game. I felt _exactly_ the same internal pressure after leaving one job to "update my status" once I started my own, next, Really Important Role - even when doing so was blatantly at odds with my values.
It takes a lot of knowing yourself and your own motivations to come to terms with this. It reminds me a great deal of Kung Fu!
‘Have you no ambition, Master Po?’ -Disciple Caine
‘Only one. Five years hence, it is my wish to make a pilgrimage to the Forbidden City. It is a place where even priests receive no special status. There in the Temple of Heaven, will be a festival The full moon of May. It will be the thirteenth day of the fifth month in the Year of the Dog.’ -Master Po
‘That is not such a great ambition.’ -Disciple Caine
‘But it is ambition, nonetheless. Who among us is without flaw?’ -Master Po
> work provided a venue to solve interesting problems with interesting people
I wish there was a way to find a more balanced work culture (in the USA, other countries may have this already) to be able to continue solving interesting problems with interesting people, as you say, but also live life outside work.
I'd give anything to be able to work maybe 15-20 hours a week at half or a even a third of my salary. But employers will only take 60 hours a week of full-steam burnout, or zero.
Find a different industry. You can make 6 figures in des Moines and they assume you only work 40 hours.
Mind you I know several people who did that for a while and then decided insurance software is soul sucking and so they took a pay cut to work for someone else with more meaning in life. (But they didn't leave des Moines so still 40 hour weeks )
Yes, I'd also like to work in a collaborative setting about 15 hours a week, contributing to a project or research. One thing holding me back, though, is I just can't stomach the idea of some capitalist stealing the fruits of my labor for themselves! I know, extremely hypocritical, as I've benefitted tremendously from capitalism, and continue to do so. That said, I'd be happy to give up my wealth, as long as all rich people had to, and we magically found some stable equilibrium where it stayed that way and society could still function.
I did get into open source work, for a while, contributing to improving the software I used the most. Unfortunately, that mainly resulted in work on Chrome and vscode, and other pieces of software owned by giant, richer-then-god corporations, so the same frustrations applied :p
Did you tame the ego via meditation? If not what other method? Curious about the path that lead to depersonalization. It’s discussed in meditation circles as a fear some have, but really, many monks and “enlightened” are interesting characters eg. Shinzen Young
I've experienced depersonalization because of meditation, and I didn't even know that: (1) what depersonalization was and (2) that it could be cultivated by meditation.
I immediately stopped meditating all together and slowly got my sense of self back. Since then I only briefly meditate when I feel I can use the benefits of it (e.g. enhanced emotional perception or more focus etc.).
It was mostly an ad hoc CBT approach. I spent more time introspecting my motivations, and if I decided I was doing something mainly for ego gratification, I'd stop. At first, that left very little. As I said earlier, programming was out, also most gaming and working out, watching sports, pretty much anything that generated dopamine. I spent a huge amount of time listening to comedy podcasts, and the rest reading. Eventually, though, a big positive was opening up more mental space for my partner, whom I'm sad to say I neglected pretty badly during my working days. After that, I spent more time with a local community group, and, yes, puttering around the house making home improvements.
I actually did try joining a meditation group, but I had a very bad time. I have a loud and constant inner monologue, but when I calmed my thoughts, all I experienced was primal negative emotion. Some mixture of shame and terror. I don't mean this literally, but it felt like a demon was trying to posses my mind. The instructor was a very nice person, but not a professional, so maybe I could have had a better time with a better guide.
Finally, I've stopped trying so hard to suppress my ego. I'm very curious what living in a society that supports low ego would be like, but the one I live in doesn't. Ego has many used (especially in a corporate setting, it's a tremendous asset), and the experiences of ego and dopamine are part of the richness of life, even if, when viewed at a society level, they often seem so dysfunctional and defector-ish.
Very interesting. I know that most of the things I do are ego driven, but it’s so ingrained in society It’s tough to let go of.
For meditation I worry your teacher or the type may have been a bad fit. Meditation teachers I follow encourage looking for joy and savoring the sweet feelings of being in the moment. It feels comparable to enjoying a beautiful sunset.
Losing the status of being a higher up at a successful (small) company was extremely painful, especially because I didn't realize how much of a perk of the job it was. Like many others in this thread, I realized work provided a venue to solve interesting problems with interesting people, and I knew I would miss that (but also knew there were other, non-work ways to scratch that itch). Looking back, though, the ego/status aspect was probably the biggest benefit, and I never admitted that to myself.
Fairly soon into retirement, I made the choice to address the issue by decreasing my ego needs, rather than pursuing another high status non-work position. In some sense, it wasn't too hard to do (though I did find that I had to give up programming for a while, since it turned out that, despite my love of math and puzzle solving, the real biggest draw of programming was the megalomaniacal sense of being a god in a universe of your own creation). The issue is, I went too far, and experienced pretty significant depersonalization, which, from the inside wasn't terrible, but I think made me too weird to interact with my family and friends.
I've currently accepted more ego back into my life (hence this self-centered posting, for instance), but kept it below the old levels. I'm happy with my life, and find it much more even keeled and comfortable than when I was working, though I still miss the emotional highs of succeeding in a big work project.
Anyway, I think what really got me to log on here and post this was seeing the various other posters claiming work as a source of meaning and maybe poo pooing the OP, a bit, for giving it up. Now, on the one hand, I'm not really disagreeing, but I just wanted to add the nuance that, for me, turns out most of that meaning was not coming from nice pro-social things like cooperating with a team and working on interesting problems, but mostly just base status drive and ego. Now, I don't know how much my experience applies to the general population and most jobs, but I have a feeling it probably does apply to a fair chunk of the readers of this forum.