It’s hard to remain rational when in love. This writing captures that. It shows the immense frustration you feel when you’ve felt such warmth from another person, only for them to flag, then rally again, and on and on… The good times are a pain-killer and keep you from holding onto the full extent of the bad times. This can be on the frequency of a couple of days. 3 great days, your world is suddenly real, your partner is there for you, cares about you and loves you. 3 days where you are shattered, your partner is distant and cold, is angered by discussion, chides you for being upset, takes your contributions for granted. This cycle makes you DUMB. The good times keep you going though.

It seems like an interplay of both peoples trust issues. The author has been betrayed in the past. Why pursue a married man? Some may say she wanted the resulting and predictable pain. Both people are too scared to end it for various reasons. Not to hurt the other? Worried about suicide?

Who ever knew it would be this hard?