Number 9:

...you have a moral obligation to provide services like job counseling, résumé-writing assistance, and job-search help. There are firms that specialize in helping employees during transitions, so use them

should be Number 1. In bold and italics.

The day we forget that business is about people first is the day we should stop doing business and find something else to do.

"(My theory is that Friday is the best day to do a layoff because it lets people have a weekend to decompress.)"

Not exactly your theory, it's been common business practice for many years (prob since Mon-Fri became the standard work week)

/got shit-canned on a Thursday because I had Friday's off.

"(My theory is that Friday is the best day to do a layoff because it lets people have a weekend to decompress.)"

I can sort of see it, but if the person is laid off on a weekday, don't they have from that point on to decompress? If a person isn't employed, the weekend has no significance.

The people being fired aren't the only ones who will need to decompress...

My father got laid off on Monday. I can see your point.

"We find it's always better to fire people on a Friday. Studies have statistically shown that there's less chance of an incident if you do it at the end of the week."

This is a surprisingly good list. A bit Machiavellian, but the level of cynicism and to-the-point-ness seems appropriate.