Totally agree - I'd go so far and say that it can be a dangerous mindset.
It is possible for relationships to be damaging for one or both members. It's easy to say this the mindset of making things work doesn't apply to abusive relationships - but it's not always clear what abuse is. The very mindset that 'divorce is not an option' means that people spend far too long in dangerous situations.
From my experience - I was married for 6 years to someone who, from the same starting position, moved to a very different philosophical viewpoint to me. This evolved over time, but by the end she'd happily tell me my belief system was wrong and immoral, and that she wanted she were married to someone who shared her viewpoint. She even said that in her opinion we shouldn't be married, but that she didn't believe in divorce. She'd never accept that there was anything wrong with what she was doing - she was simply trying to save me - and when I said 'I find what you're saying hurtful' she'd tell me she had no choice but to say it.
I can only imagine how miserable a time she was having, but she saw no choice but to continue in that relationship.
This never seemed like abuse at the time - and I'm certain she didn't mean it as such - but with hindsight she broke down my confidence in myself and in who I was and left me fundamentally doubting whether I was a good person (among other things, like making relationships with friends and family difficult).
Of course, everyone's experience is unique, but when I left that relationship I felt guilty, selfish and like I'd failed. It's only with hindsight that I can say with confidence that it was the best thing for everyone involved, and I'm much happier and healthier some years and plenty of therapy later. The narrative expressed in the article means people stay in awful situations they could be well out of.
We didn't have kids - and I'd definitely have been considering different things if we did (in particular, not wanting those kids to end up with a mother whose world view I fundamentally disagreed with, without my influence), but it may well still have been the right decision.
Yeah, stuff like that is why I'll never date a religious woman again. I did it once, and it was a huge mistake.
Abuse doesn't just take physical forms; there is a such thing as emotional abuse. And where exactly do you draw the line?
Personally, I think if you're fundamentally unhappy in the relationship and the other person doesn't seem to be willing or able to change things to make you happy in the relationship, you're better off getting out. The fact that too many times, people are tied together by finances, is really a tragedy IMO. It's better to be single and alone than to be stuck with someone who's making you miserable.
It is possible for relationships to be damaging for one or both members. It's easy to say this the mindset of making things work doesn't apply to abusive relationships - but it's not always clear what abuse is. The very mindset that 'divorce is not an option' means that people spend far too long in dangerous situations.
From my experience - I was married for 6 years to someone who, from the same starting position, moved to a very different philosophical viewpoint to me. This evolved over time, but by the end she'd happily tell me my belief system was wrong and immoral, and that she wanted she were married to someone who shared her viewpoint. She even said that in her opinion we shouldn't be married, but that she didn't believe in divorce. She'd never accept that there was anything wrong with what she was doing - she was simply trying to save me - and when I said 'I find what you're saying hurtful' she'd tell me she had no choice but to say it.
I can only imagine how miserable a time she was having, but she saw no choice but to continue in that relationship.
This never seemed like abuse at the time - and I'm certain she didn't mean it as such - but with hindsight she broke down my confidence in myself and in who I was and left me fundamentally doubting whether I was a good person (among other things, like making relationships with friends and family difficult).
Of course, everyone's experience is unique, but when I left that relationship I felt guilty, selfish and like I'd failed. It's only with hindsight that I can say with confidence that it was the best thing for everyone involved, and I'm much happier and healthier some years and plenty of therapy later. The narrative expressed in the article means people stay in awful situations they could be well out of.
We didn't have kids - and I'd definitely have been considering different things if we did (in particular, not wanting those kids to end up with a mother whose world view I fundamentally disagreed with, without my influence), but it may well still have been the right decision.