This made me feel some despair. The young people in my field are similar to me, and have interests and passions outside of work, but the older folks seem to have little in their lives which is enviable to me. Many of them are out of shape and hunched over from decades in front of their screens. They don't have strong interests in anything, and they seem to spend a lot of their time and energy thinking about their money: how to spend it, how to grow it, how to save it. They have families, but seem to view them as an obligation and a burden which they'd rather avoid.
I do know older people who retired from tech relatively early and live adventurous and inspiring lives. Maybe the key is just to get out before the career saps your vitality too much.
This is sad. My advice, as an older person, is find a job that doesn't suck, or even is actually fulfilling. Public sector did that for me. Some weeks will drain you, that's what we get paid for, it just needs to be, not all the time :) Then early retirement is less "necessary". This is perfectly compatible with kids (albeit not in a high cost of living area). While kids are young, adventures will be put on hold to some extent, but then having kids and watching them grow up is a delightful adventure in itself :) And you get to share adventures with them later on. I'm glad I travelled and stuff when young, but seeing others without kids, their life seems a bit boring and same-y to me, but that's a personal thing. Important to some to have kids, important to others not to have them. Those "ground down" people you describe probably need a decent holiday to recharge, they also may need to think outside the box , get off the treadmill and realise that chasing promotions and money is a trap, and in fact a middle-of-the-road tech salary combined with some intelligent frugal habits gives a great standard of living despite today's brutal house prices etc. (only caveat - in USA health costs can be major problem for people with certain conditions)
I honestly completely disagree. We had kids young and honestly it was so much easier in our 20s than it is now with a baby in our 30s. Despite having more money, babies are just harder as you get older. It's the moderate things. With our first, I was so active and nimble. Now I have slight back pain and stuff but it makes me noticeably less active with my third.
By the time my oldest is an adult, I will be in my early 40s. That's still young enough to do whatever you want to do. I encourage people to have kids young. Honestly, we should normalize having kids in college (free daycare, etc). This would be great for young women especially. Yes, it might stretch out how long it takes them to get a degree. But if dad completes it in four years and starts working, by the time dad starts working, the child is school aged and now doesn't need daycare. Then mom can complete her degree while dad works full time, and graduate with a six year old and job prospects. Kind of jealous of all my mormon friends at BYU who did this lol. By the time their kids are grown they'll be 40 year olds with professional careers, ready to do whatever they want, with the bonus of money.
On the other hand, the first-time parents I know in their mid 30s are struggling. It's harder. You're more tired. Also, by the time you're done you're getting ready to retire.
Most of my friends had kids young. They were busy working and hardly saw them grow up. A few were fortunate that the mothers could and wanted to stay home. The others all had their kids raised by daycare workers. When they found out what was happening in schools all they could do was scream about it. When covid hit and the schools shut those parents were buried and their kids suffered setbacks in their education. That's the standard routine. No thanks.
Then they're doing it wrong. The idea is that you grind when you're young to set yourself up for more free time to spend with your kids when you're older. You can afford for one parent to stay home, both if you've really nailed it
I do know older people who retired from tech relatively early and live adventurous and inspiring lives. Maybe the key is just to get out before the career saps your vitality too much.